the rise in lonely men is not due to a fault in modern women

Though the original study was released in early 2021, there's been a spike in attention towards one specific fragment of information from said study: the rise in lonely men. After investigation, it was found that over the years, men have been spending more and more time outside of relationships compared to women, leading to widespread loneliness. And, naturally, the internet is really running with that at the moment. How, you ask? By blaming modern women.

But let's focus on the real issue behind the statistic: men. And I don't mean broadly all men, I mean a worryingly high percentage of them are self-sabotaging their own chances at companionship. Why is this? Here's my take.

We no longer live in the 1950s. You might think it's a stretch to blame the majority of the issue on such a blanket statement that everyone is obviously aware of, but it's not. Men back then didn’t have to worry about partnership because women needed them. But women no longer rely on men financially and socially. We don't need men to be able to own a bank account and feed ourselves, nor do we need men to remain in our position in society in fear that leaving him would be a tarnish on her reputation, not his. So, now that women independent from men and no longer need them to support themselves in order to survive, what can they offer us? What do they have that we want? What we want is what we, as women, already offer. Partnership. Respect. Emotional support. Likeability. And put in simple terms, a lot of men in our society still cannot offer us that.

No, it's not just the fault of these men. Society is also to blame - we're still encouraged to raise our boys the same way we did back then. We teach our boys that femininity is weak. Don't you cry, don't you complain. You need to be strong, you need to take on everything - if you're not the best, you're a failure. These are the implicit messages we teach our boys in the way we treat them. And what happens when these boys grow up? They become men who hurt women for not fulfilling the emotional caretaking companion role that that they have be taught to expect.

The frustration that comes from modern women's increased standards for men is coming out in society in a number of toxic ways. I think the most prominent one as of right now is the Andrew Tate epidemic that has gripped young men and really shown women exactly who they're letting into their lives. The views he has on women are degenerate and founded in the narcissistic tendencies of the stereotypical 50s American man. However, an overwhelming number of men have succumbed to admitting they hold the same views, empowered by the coexistence of Tate's financial success and his gross sexism. They think they can have it, too. They think that this is what will attract women, because it did in the 50s, so it must be the same now! But there's a reason Tate hasn't had a successful relationship with a woman in his life. Women just don't want what he has to offer.

Contrary to popular belief, women don't care that much about money when seeking out a genuine relationship.

Though, admittedly, it's not all the fault of these men that they are having these issues, it is their responsibility to learn how to be in a functional partnership. It's not women's responsibility to take on the issues of another person just because that person cannot take it on for themselves. Men need to do the work for themselves. We are past the time of emotional heavy-lifting in a relationship. Though equity comes into play, said equity reaches equality, and equality is what is needed for a successful partnership.

This isn't my condemnation of men. There are wonderful men out there, and all men have the ability to be wonderful people. But women are no longer taking responsibility for those who don't strive to be the best version of themselves. We deserve better than that. And honestly? So do men.

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