life is for the sensitive souls

I'd say I'm pretty sensitive. Now, I understand the implication of saying sensitive - don't worry, my brain also automatically falls into a hole of bleakness, too. I start to list the negative synonyms. Emotional. Emotionally vulnerable. Weak. I never took kindly when someone called me sensitive because I knew what the word meant from the perspective of others. I mean, we have a whole history of it being used to brush off the emotions of women who are much like me. I hated the word.

But the thing is, it's not actually a negative word. It's just a description. This world seems to glorify the act of resilience and passivity in the face of destruction. We're praised in customer service if we can keep a straight face while being screamed at by angry customers. We're praised if people know we've undergone traumatic experiences and we can still act like those that haven't. There's this underlying, sinister reality under what we glorify: people love when they don't have to help you. Especially in this world of capitalism where productivity is glorified, because the more you're independently productive, the less everyone else has to do. Even I'm guilty of it sometimes - I easily relate productivity to the value of my worth, as unhealthy as that is. I love the feeling I get when someone calls me resilient, even if it comes at the cost of my inner peace, as it so often does.

I'm not, though. I'm resilient in that I persevere, but so do a lot of people. Actually, I'm sensitive. My emotions are up and down based on my experiences, but I think that makes life feel... special, in some masochistic way. It changes the way I see the world, having experiences such highs and lows, which in turn makes me a better writer. My creativity thrives when I look after my soul because I am sensitive to the whims of the world. Recently, I had such an amazing week that I had a little cry when it was over and I had to go back to my life. My life is amazing, but it's always sad when things that make you overwhelmingly happy seep through your fingertips like grains of sand into the distance. What's left are wonderful memories, and they're what we live for anyway. Moving, emotion-packed memories. We'll get more of them, but if we had them all the time, they'd stop feeling so wonderful. I'm extremely sensitive to these emotions. Frequently, I end days with such overwhelming joy that I could weep at how brilliant life is. That's what sensitive means to me. An ability to feel deeper, to experience things right down to the soul. It's not the antonym of weakness, it's simply another way of living life. I do need more support from people when I feel the lows, but everyone should surround themselves with a community of people able to support them regardless. There are boundaries, of course, but no one has ever said that my request of support is asking too much - resilience shouldn't be glorified and defined as 'emotional independence'. It's okay to want less support, but you should be surrounded by people who wouldn't bat an eye if you asked for more.

Sensitive isn't a negative term. It's just the way I define myself as someone who feels life very deeply, and that's the way I like it. Everything feels much more real, and sunrises feel so much more invigorating. There's nothing wrong with the way people live, whether more or less sensitive, and we shouldn't be branding a certain way as 'weaker' than another when they're simply the way people experience their own lives. Though, sometimes my eye still twitches when someone else calls me sensitive - I'm aware of the unpopularity of my opinion, but I'd like to think the future will be full of people who feel as deeply as me and can call themselves sensitive without worrying that they might be mistaken as 'weak'.

I'm sensitive and I think that's pretty cool.

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