50/50 relationships aren't always equal

Ah, the peak of feminism. The world is right, and, finally, a woman sits down and pays for her own meal on a date. A utopia of equality. Wonderful, huh? Absolutely not.

As a self-proclaimed feminist, the definition of feminism is a cause of mild annoyance to me, because it's just not realistic. Equality? I love the sound of equality, but men and women being treated exactly the same in every situation just doesn't sound at all logical to me. Equality is not true equality. We need different things to get to the same place. I've released another post about the difference between equality and equity, but after seeing a few aggravating TikToks, I think applying it specifically to relationships between men and women would be pretty helpful.

Men and women are fundamentally different, and we require different things. Equity means that though we need different things to get there, where we end up should be equal in standard. And this is also true for relationships. And this is primarily due to where a lot of relationships end up: children. If you don't see yourself having kids, congrats! You can probably get away with a reasonable 50/50. But if you want kids in your relationship, 50/50 is so disgustingly unequal that it's insane to me that feminism has sold the idea to women that to be strong and 'independent', they should split everything equally. The relationship then becomes lopsided, because women are sacrificing significantly more for children than their husbands are.

Let's break down the specific-to-gender roles that men and women have in the act of creating and then rearing a child. Men are needed in the initial procreation. That's it. Women? Are drained for nine months while their bodies destroy themselves to create another human being, they're torn open by said human being and have to go through the intense extended healing process that comes with going through a major physical and mental experience. Then they have to breastfeed while their body is going through all that. It takes years for a woman's body to recover from such a traumatic event. And then you have the shared responsibilities of sleepless nights and keeping the baby alive. It's not a walk in the park for men, that isn't where I'm heading. Rearing a child is incredibly difficult. But it would just be incorrect to say that the difficulty women have to go through is at all comparable, because it takes so much more of a toll on them than their partners.

And if we're talking strictly the terms of financial loss, let's briefly cover it. Many aspects of how women's bodies are affected cannot be put into monetary terms, so let's relate it to the thousands of pounds that plastic surgery required - boob jobs are at least £5000, and so are tummy tucks. What about the mental toll? That's going to require at least a year of therapy, if you go somewhere cheap the cost for weekly sessions is £50, over the whole year is just under £3000. The time off to heal that maternity leave doesn't cover? The loss in job opportunities, the required appointments - women are at a significant financial disadvantage when it comes to having children. If we can presume that every other aspect of cis, heterosexual relationships are entirely equal and can attribute to 50/50, just the act of having one child flips the dynamic into one of major inequality. Imagine having more than one? The accumulated disadvantage towards women is incredible. And this isn't about how much she earns or on the typical accusations of gold-digging - this is simply what is equal.

If men are expecting to eventually have children with the woman they're dating, the least they can do is pay for her meal. And if you're a paranoid realist when it comes to the future of relationships, be prepared to financially compensate for the losses that the person giving birth to your child is going to have to live through just so that you can both experience parenthood from the time you discover you're having a child. I shouldn't see complaining about this - I thought we wanted equality?

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